Indecision & Regret

I have difficulty making steadfast decisions.
I have trouble seeing things in black and white.
I have a hard time choosing at forks in the road;
I can't turn my head off at night.

Life is the consequences from the decisions we make.
Nothing can be undone.
Thus, regret.

I worry that I may choose wrong.
I worry that I've picked the worst path.
I worry that ten years from now, I will look back and wish I had taken the other road.

The prospect of regret is ever-looming.
The indecision is all-consuming.

Someone Else's Prayer

Yesterday I sat on the edge of a waterfall.
The water was so clear I could see down to the rocks, to the dirt, to the bottom.
And I could see a strand of beads.
Upon retrieving them, I washed the grime away, and the little roses revealed themselves,
and I realized it.
This was a rosary.
This was someone's rosary.
This was someone's wish.
Someone's prayer.
Someone's hope.

I had wanted to keep the beads and repurpose them, but it felt wrong.
It was wrong.
I was an intruder.
So I cast them back into the pool of icy water - with a prayer:
A prayer for the person who first threw the rosary.
Hoping I could re-awaken some hope.
Hoping their prayer was answered. If not,
Hoping this could lead to a second chance.

In Waiting It Starts

On the precipice

In the waiting line

So far and so close are irrelevant

Are infinite, everlasting, always happening

(Or Lust)

I said "I love you" for the first time on a day like this.
The brisk air enveloped me;
I was drunk on moonbeams.
(Or lust)

The trees weren't sure whether to change or not.
The cool nights had only just begun.
In just one more month, they'd be shedding their outer layers.
The shield their leaves form - gone.
Leaving them exposed.

I flippantly gave my heart away on a night like this.
I forgot that the walls that had taken years to form
Had cracks in their foundations.
Love (or lust) had worked their way in through them.
It only took a few months for the walls to crumble.

A year later on a day like this
I am in the process of rebuilding those walls.
The foundations are stronger this time.
I forevermore cautious of intoxication (or lust).

I've taken to looking at the stars lately. 

They remind me Earth is round.

I am small.

There's more to life than me and you.

This existence is minuscule;

We don't really matter at all.

The Cicada Soundtrack - Marlboro Red 100's

Nostalgia for the Past Consumes