Meaning

Meaning is given 

Meaning is ascribed 

Meaning makes up all of our lives

Collide and spiral away -

Collide and stay -

Interactions,

like chemical reactions,

Decide the way.

Summer Seen

There's something about the first day when the fireflies come out.
When it's not quite an evening,
not yet at night,
It's the scrumptious time in between.
As the night grows deeper the magic of summer seeps onto the earth.

When the fireflies disappear,
the heat dissipates
A new wind blows in,
the crickets stop chirping.
The world begins anew
With a different magic
found in the coldness and the changing of the leaves.

My Kind of Heart

Your kind of heart will never understand mine -

the twists and pulls, unintentional - 

Yours so pointed.

So aimed

At mine.

Nice shot,

It's fine

I'll make it through this time.

The truth - 

I won't.

You broke me.

My kind of heart holds on.
Strong feelings it can't just abandon.
How I wish I could.
I should.

I will realize the truth, even though it's hard,

That you don't deserve my kind of heart.

The Irrelevance of Nature

I plant live flowers and smoke dead leaves.

I drive my car, expelling carcinogens, and admire all of the trees.

The disconnect from nature

So prevalent.

Yet none of us see these dichotomies

as relevant.

On Repeat

On repeat
Unable to turn off the same scene
On a constant cycle
Continuously playing the same moments
Capturing the same feelings
On repeat.

On repeat
it's trying
and altogether too tiring
To listen to the same thing
on repeat.

On repeat
The reason still unfounded
The reason why they won't stop
These scenes, these feelings
on repeat.

Cars whiz by 

The world turns

I sit still and take notice

Cars passing by

Sirens sounding

We should notice the moments 

When time passes by

You still haunt my thoughts
You still dwell in my dreams
Always in the back of my mind -

Will I ever stop breaking at the seams?

Stuck in Limbo

I'm always stuck in limbo
That's why I feel the need to escape.

Stuck in between the past & the future,
the present a blur.

Waiting.
Always waiting
for what comes next.

Unable to shake what has
already happened.
Unable to stop thinking about what
will happen.

Stuck.
Always stuck
in between.

Yearning to escape
this place
this present
this limbo.
Wanting
Always wanting
so desperately
to flee.

We are just tiny particles upon tiny

Particles

Just

Part

of

particles

That's

All

we

are.

You can feel the change happen.

But like the changing of the season, you can't fully recognize it
until it's happened.
It is complete.

Lost in the Haze

He was lost in the haze -

A maze -

of his own creation.

The smoke and drink that made him dizzy

did get his mind in a tizzy -

Used so as to not be confused -

Confusion goes unacknowledged.

He altered his mind to deny reality;

Just exciting his senses - in the moment -

--and

Excitement led to agitation

And agitation to frustration.

He was lost in the haze - 

No direction, no absolutes - 

All insecurity.

Lost in that maze he created -

in his own mind -

Refusal to accept, using the substances to forget.

Lost in the haze.

The cycle - you can't deny
Round and round, incline after decline
Decline after incline
The pattern - you can't see until it's behind

Is there a limit?

Is there a limit to how many heartbeats one has?
A pre-destined quota
An absolute?
Once you beat that number -
does it stop?
Once it stops, what happens to you?
What happens to your mind?
The mind - the bridge from your body to your soul.
The soul -
the heart of you.
Is there a limit to how many beatings your soul can take?

Rising With the Sun

When the World Cries

When the sky turns gray and

 the world 

cries;

When the atmosphere releases all it has absorbed,

When water drops upon the earth,

When the clouds burst,

When my surroundings reflect my insides,

I find peace.

Like a leaf atop a river,

Floating along unsure of where I'm headed.

The currents tousle me to and fro,

I may go under from time to time,

but to the top I will rise.

Parts of the Same Flower

Don't Get Lost in There

Don't think too deeply.
You could get lost in there;
That thing -
That gray matter inside of your head -
That brain.
Mind -
You could also find yourself in there -
You could find solace -
But don't get lost in there.

The number of times I have stopped myself from running to you is infinite.

Subdued hues of black mixed with white.
No absolute wrong or right.
When life is in gray,
It's easiest to get swept away.

The Last Word

Let them get their feelings out,
Let them have their say,
Sit back and observe.
It really is the best way.

When you're not sure how to react,
stay silent and wait.
They will fill the silence anyway.

Their anger may fume like a forrest fire,
Their vitriol may be bitter as bile,
Their last word may be said with such malice, you cannot recognize them.
But it's best to let them have it.

They have forgotten the good,
They have focused on the bad,
Follow their lead and don't be sad.

Things I Tell Myself

I tell myself: This is how it's supposed to be.
I know this because I can only be on this one path.
I have only been on this one path.

My past is behind, and this is how it's supposed to be
I tell myself.
There may be no reason to those events,
There may be some rhyme.
It's twisted and turned and
I have endured jug handles multiple times.

Things I tell myself when I cannot put words together and
Speak:
Silence is better than apologizing to and for the irrational
The reasons do not justify.
I yearn for justice.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel.

In this life, the reasons do not matter
The end must justify the means, but in the meantime
I tell myself: Everything is - everything - is fine.

The Girl on The Park Bench

The girl on the park bench was looking to the heavens

As if for salvation.

Savior, perhaps, from the torrential feeling in her gut.

The girl on the park bench inhaled her cigarette to the filter.

As she seemed to do with most things.

Play them out to the very edge of safety.

The girl on the park bench was wearing faded jeans, with a faded soul;
The sadness in her eyes - her defining feature.
Legs crossed, hair perfectly askew.

The girl on the park bench:

A girl on the edge of salvation.

Thunderstorms

A battle;
The heat of the Air crashes;
Clashes with the cool Earth.
Water absorbed;
Water released.

When your gut speaks to you
It may just be a whisper.
So soft, you don't even know what it's saying.
It is in times like these that you must listen hardest.

The Beauty of Trees

The beauty of trees is their innately strong cores.
Exposed in the winter, they hibernate inside of themselves;
And the next summer come back just as strong.
Stronger even; that's the beauty of trees.

Each passing year they grow and
They have the capacity to
Live for
eons. Lifetimes.

The beauty of trees is that their core can handle
Being exposed.
The beauty of trees,
without their leaves,
Can be examined by the human observer.
But beneath it all, is where the true beauty lies.
Contemplative, objective, subjective?
Is the real beauty of trees.

They come out of it when the sun shines;
and the true beauty of trees
is that their leaves
come back with each passing year.

When love is the priority

When love is the priority

You will fall for everything,

You will forgive all

And trust me, you will fall.

When love is the priority

Colors are brighter

More vivid.

You will be content and blissfully ignorant
 - when love is the priority -

You will be a fool.

You sacrifice yourself,

You give up so much

To much.

When love is the priority,

You will forgo all other opportunities;

You will allow all the things you once held true - to be altered.

You lose yourself, when love is the priority.

Used to looking at subdued stars and people in masks.
Both covered by pollution we create.

Consuming or Subsiding

So many emotions running between us.
Unsure of which will consume.
Anger,
Disappointment,
Sadness,
Appreciation,
Respect,
Love.

Too many emotions running between us.
So I run and wait for them to subside.

Still holding onto maybe.

The possibility. The chance.

Time doesn't seem to matter.

The Earth may stop.

In maybe, I find hope.

Distance

Distance is a funny notion.
It can be measured in miles
It can be measured in hours
It can be measured in heartbeats

Yet distance from one you love
Cannot be measured.

They are always with you,
In your mind
In your heart
In your soul.

Interpret Me

Interpret me.
Dissect each action, each decision, each word
and come to your own conclusion.
Decide for yourself why I am and what I do.

Attempt to understand,
Attempt to comprehend,
But
Realize that is just your interpretation.

You will never wholly understand.
You will never completely comprehend.
You will never truly know.
And neither will I.

Pulsating World

Human connections act like veins
Spreading across the earth in a complicated and delicate circulatory system;
The planet acts as the epidermis
And love - the blood.

Blossom

Victimize, Then Vilify

Broken and fragile,
In need of saving.
Placed on a pedestal, far too high for any air.
Made a victim.
A misconception; your perception.

The image shatters and you cannot understand.
You never did.
I still don't.

Now evil. Malicious.
Words you use to hurt me,
Because that shattering hurt you.
No more apologizing.
Just vilifying.

Thursday Musings

Working Condition

My eyes see
And my ears hear.
My nose smells,
My tongue tastes,
And my skin feels.

At times my
Heart makes my eyes tear,
My ears ring, my nose run.
At times I lose my sense of taste, and
My ability to feel.

This vehicle that contains me,
That comprises me,
is me.

It's in working condition.
It has not been pushed to the limit.
It does not know its limit.

I long to run free across a boundless landscape.

I long to scream at the moon, heard by only the sky.

I long to feel the earth between my toes.

I long to sleep beneath the open sky, with only the stars as company.

I long for the wilderness.

I long to be wild.

Calcified Heart

Layers upon layers;

A calcified heart.

At the forefront: 

A carefully constructed wall composed of callouses and scar tissue.

Scabs entwined with half-healed bruises form an intricate web.

Contusions in shades of yellow, green, and aubergine decorate the facade. 

But beneath it all,

In the hardest-to-reach crannies,

In the deepest crevices,

Is you.

Currents

Empathy, Empathic, Empathetic, Empath

In the 19th century, a German philosopher coined the term.

"To feel into"

      Empathy.

His point - art can evoke feelings.

In the 21st century, the term has come to mean so much more.

The word has evolved; as humans do.

Feeling the feelings of another.

We understand.

This process is simply put - poetry.

Gentle Reminders

How the scent of the rain on pavement
Reminds me of years passed.
Of trials endured.

How the bird's song outside my window
and the susurrations of the wind in the trees
Remind me of times of happiness.
Times of sadness.

A plethora of memories,
Neither good nor bad;
Just memories of being.
Memories of being me.

I'm certainly waiting for certainty.

These days we live in a world where pills are prescribed to those who have seen the light,
Emerged from the cave.
They're fed round, white drops,
In order to keep them in order.

These days we sit in cubes staring mindlessly at a bright computer screen
That convinces us we're "working."

These days if you don't drink the Kool-Aid, you'll bring about your own demise.
You'll be driven insane by the truth.

So go ahead.

Swallow the pill.
Or
Go insane.

Concentric Circles

Dancing in concentric circles;
Coming close to the radius of the problem.
The crack that makes up half
The
Split

Unable to do the same tango
The coldness became
the norm
The confusion a constant
state of mind

So sick of being bound
By manipulations of the
Heart.
Lament over the past,
Lament over the heartbreak,
Lament over the mistakes,
Wait for the future to solve
Them.

Dancing in concentric circles;
Still so far from the heart of the problem.

Fear Fuels

A strong person knows fear.

A strong person understands it.

They know how it ebbs into the deep corners of the belly and burns.

They know the sinking feeling, the tremors, the chills,

Fear produces.

They know it can be a driving force, and not a hindrance.

A strong person lets fear in.

A strong person lets it be their fuel.

Never Quite

I'm never quite sure.

I'm never quite ready.

I can never quite sort out

the voices in my head,

the feelings in my heart,

what my gut tells me,

I'm never quite sure.

Thaw

Majestic Creatures

From afar they may be mistaken for a more majestic creature.

A hawk.

An eagle.

Some elegant bird of prey.

Up close, it becomes clear.

Their wings not so perfect; a feather out of 

Place

Here or there;

Somewhere.

With their scarlet heads, a vulture is unmistakably

A vulture.

There is an animosity toward them,

A fear,

A revulsion.

Yet, they do have their own elegance.

Whether or not everyone can see it.

They have an undeniable purpose.

They make use of what's gone;

Of what's dead.

There is a beauty to these jurassic creatures that I wish everyone could see.

Sweet Demons

Oh, Dandelion

Oh, Dandelion
I envy you.
You are rooted to this Earth
in a way I never could be.
I AM of this Earth too,
but not
Like you

Oh, Dandelion
I envy
I envy
I envy your roots.

As I sit and smoke my cigarette
I watch your dried cousins
Turn to ash.
I inhale their souls;
Exhale my mortality

There is a sudden need to clear my throat,
I expel the demons and a cloud of smoke.
The remains of your dried cousins
Mixed with my saliva
Nourish you.

Oh, Dandelion, how
I envy
I envy
I envy you.

The Same Cage

When the cage is no longer just in your mind,

When the cage is physical,

There is no solace.

The same walls.

The same halls.

The same twists.

The same turns.

There is no escape.

You cannot find a way out,

Because there is no way out,

The confines become torture devices stronger than those your mind alone can create.

The same dreams.

The same nightmares.

The same tears.

The same fears.

There is no escape.

Spirits in the Sunlight

In the moment.

Exciting each sense.

The spirit takes hold;

It is heaven sent.

Hold it to the light. 

Watch them dance.

Lilacs, calcite, cherry red

Their reflections iridescent 

In the light you can see that 

Sprits can never truly be dead.

You can see their core

You can see their essence

They can be dangerous.

They can be deadly too.

Because really, at their soul

They are true.

Be honest; not necessarily open.

Being Honest and Being Open.

You can do one without the other;

However,

 opennes requires honesty.

That is inherent.

Allowing a person to know everything about you, letting them in ...

You can so simply avoid those things.

I can so simply avoid those things.

But I am honest.

One can so easily be truthful

Every day

All the time

Because

The truth is

Living life honestly

Does

Not

Require being open.

Move On

The last remnants of attachment, gone.
The last vestiges of hope, expelled.
It can be freeing.
It can be liberating.

The last nail in the coffin solidified
the fact.
Knowing it was inevitable was not enough.
Knowing in your gut.
Still wasn't enough.

When your predictions come to fruition
It is bittersweet.
Being proven right can be hurtful.
Being proven right can be unsettling.

Letting go is the next step.
Moving on, before and after that.
All one can do in life is keep moving on.
There is no final step.

The Misconception About New Starts

There is no such thing as a new start.
All that you are is the culmination of your past experiences.
Memories may be foggy;
You may not even remember;
But the past defines what we do in our present
In our future.

You cannot start over.
Once you have begun, there is no turning back.
You will undergo many changes,
You will learn,
You will grow,
And when you do look back,
You may not even recognize the person you once were.

But there is no such thing as a new start.