On Soulmates

I've never been an outward romantic, but the idea of a soulmate has comforted me since before I even liked boys. The idea that somewhere, out THERE, in the big, wide world, my perfect mate waited for me. The idea of someone else being your other half. The idea that another person could complete you The idea that being with this person can make you feel whole. The idea.

Having felt this, how can you go on and look for it in another person? I felt that my first love was my soulmate. I felt that we had met before; long before either of us had existed by our names today. I recognized him when we first met. I was comfortable in his arms. I was home.

Can this feeling be one-sided? It must have been. My arms were not enough for him. He found solace in others' beds. For me, there was solace in my ignorance. Discovery of the truth shattered that. Will I ever find solace again?

I am doubtful. I have no hope left. I am hurt and yearning for what I once had. I am yearning for him with every piece of me. And I hate myself for it.

The idea that your soulmate would never hurt you. The idea that your soulmate will know exactly what to do to keep you happy. Because they want to. And you will do the same. Because you want to. The idea.

Don't Worry About It

Don't worry about it
You tell me.

It's no longer my place.
We are
No longer.
Don't worry about it.

I am constantly worrying.
About you.
Are you okay?
Are you taking care of yourself, your responsibilities?
Are you turning down a dark path?
Are you changing?
Are you becoming the evil version of yourself you entertained in that video game before you left?

I am constantly worrying.
About us.
About what we used to be.
Was it real?
About what we could have been.
Is ignorance bliss?
About what we will be.
Still clinging to a hope.
About what we are.
Don't worry about it.

You told me I was your best friend.
You were mine.
You told me you never wanted to lose that.
Now, crying out every inch of happiness left inside of me,
More than ever,
I wish I could talk to my best friend.
Don't worry about it.

You told me you would try.
And I worried you would resent me for it.
I worried you would leave me.
I worried I wasn't enough.
Don't worry about it.

I wasn't enough.
I'm not enough.
I'm half a person
Questioning
Everything
And realizing
No will to live without you.
But don't worry about it.

I'm stuck in my head and you will
Never pull me out.

Don't worry about it.

Wise Words From a Friend

One does not stay in love with love
After one experiences heartbreak.

Each Night

I'm hurting
I'm yearning
I'm waiting for
Your touch

I'm missing
I'm sickened.

Forget implausible
But I understand I must.

Twisted and confused
About the decisions you made
About the deceptions I'll never fully understand

Acceptance is the way out
They say
Accepting that life without you
Is better

Deceptions I'll tell myself to go to sleep at night;
When the tears fall like snowflakes
Quietly and sporadic
Graceful almost;
Heartbreaking absolutely.

Why?

I'm drunk and on fire,
Missing you.

I wish I remembered
Why.

The embers in my chest
Remind me
You're worth it.

Distortions and Deceptions

And in the end
I'll see your face
In my mind's eye
Magnified and multiplied
Through a kaleidoscope

Flaws and failures
Exposed
Shortcomings
Realized

Still perfect.

I'm going with the ebb and flow
And wait to be swept away